Twas once a time where the kings walked, the knights fought, the dragons slayed, the priest would pray, the hearts were torn, and there were girls being girlish.
Twas once a land where there was a girl, that knew a prince, that had an enemy, who was wicked, who had a friend, twas the princes brother, that had 2 daughters, but no lover.
Twas once a mind filled with greed, filled with lust, filled with need, had so much hatred towards the prince, and had so much passion for the whore, the whore who loved the prince.
Twas once a heart filled with love, filled with hope, hooked on drugs, hooked on blood, hooked on the prince, hooked on truly the brother of the prince.
Twas once a sword that belonged to a brother, a brother who spoke to no other, who’s skills could be rivaled by no other, who’s beauty loved by every other, who cared for his daughter who had no mother.
Twas once a flower picked by a girl, who hated no one, cared most but some, played with more then one, who had a secret, a secret of a sandwich.
And here we begin the tale of the sandwich, the tale of a food, the tale of a curse, the tale of blood, the tale of idiots.
Kagome gasps, “Wow I’ve never seen a bigger as-“
Inuyasha snorts, “As if. Yes you have. Stop lying Girl! I swear you’ll be the end of me.”
Sango glares, “Hey you little bastards, what are you doing playing with some donkey?”
Miroku smirks, “Yeah. Which donkey Sango? I see a jackas-“
Somewhere at the same time...
Naraku announces proudly, “As a token of my gratitude, I shall get you your prized possession.”
As Kikyo walked away Naraku mumbled, “My! What a fine as-“
Out in the hallway...
Kikyo growls, “Ass! How dare he order me around! I swear as soon as I find my as-“
Somewhere on a green hill, in castle, to the right...
Jaken states, “Asthma. They say the girl has asthma.”
Sesshoumaru frowns, “Are you sure?”
A nod.
Sess sighs, “Then we have to leave her here at the castle so that I may as-“
Somewhere in the same building...
Rin clears her throat, “As I was saying before, if you want a piece of candy ask Ah-Un.”
They just stared at her. She stared back, “Can I tell you a secret?”
They just stare.
Rin narrows her eyes, “Ok. But you must tell no one.”
She reaches under her bed, pulled out a golden treasure box that just happened to be the size of her shoe, and opened it. There in the box...was a sandwich.
A sandwich that would bring death, destruction, and many other...things.
Back to Inuyasha’s group...
Inuyasha waves his hand around while saying, “So...you’re hungry, I’m hungry, and Miroku and Sango are hungry. So why don’t we just go and get some food?”
Kagome leans towards him, “Because it’s not safe.”
Inuyasha raises and eyebrow, “My kitchen aint safe?”
Kagome shakes her head, “It’s not.”
Inuyasha snorts, “What are you some kind of a witch?”
Miroku sighs in boredom, “Well you should know. By the way how’s my dog?”
Sango looks around taking mild interest in their surroundings, “Which one? The one we let Inu take care of, or Inu?”
Inuyasha snaps, “Hey shut up! I’m not a dog. I’m a puppy. Sniffle”
Kagome starts loosing her patience and yells, “Inuyasha just answer their question!”
Inuyasha stares at her but eventually answers, “Ok, so it’s like this. As soon as you guys left for the weekend, your dog started humping everything in sight! It went from my leg, to my arm, to my couch, to Kagome’s cat, to my table, to my bed, to my head, to my food, to even a bunch of ants.”
Miroku sniffs now in defensive mode, “I can’t help it if my dog has sexual appetites.”
Sango suddenly wonders aloud, “Wait a second. Where’s my sandwich?”
Inuyasha looks at her in question but after a few minutes finally understands what she’s talking about and answers, “Oh that? Your dog humped it. So I threw it as far as I could.”
Sango growled in anger, “Damn dog. Sexual appetites my ass.”
Naraku’s voice is now heard, “Ass indeed.”
Sango turns around all dramatically, you know, all slow mow and junk.
Sango gasps and smiles, “Naraku!”
Naraku grins, “Sango!”
They run to each other all lovingly, set with the whole beach scene, with them somehow in bathing suits, hair flying back and all. They reach each other and finally embrace.
Sango sighs in content, “Oh how I’ve missed you!”
Naraku laughs, “And oh how I’ve missed you and your amazing bed skills!”
Sango adds in, “And your body!”
Naraku does his own add in, “And your moans!”
Sango giggles, “And your hands!”
Naraku chuckles, “And your ass!”
Kikyo jumps in between them and shoves them apart, “All right break it up you shit heads. You’re making me sick.”
She gags just to emphasize her point.
Naraku narrows his eyes and whispers, “Kikyo... What can you be thinking?”
Kikyo keeps glaring at him and says aloud, “Naraku...what can you be thinking?”
They keep glaring at each other until...
Sesshoumaru’s voice makes an entrance, “What the hell is going on?”
Inuyasha smiles and yells in his gay happiness, “Sess!”
Sesshoumaru turns around all dramatically like Sango did with the slow mow. And Inuyasha is all running towards him like Naraku did with the beach background and sappy music.
Inuyasha grins, “Sess!”
Sesshoumaru smirks, “Inuyasha.”
Inuyasha spreads his arms wide, Sess lifts his arm, they finally meet, and Sesshoumaru slaps him.
Inuyasha frowns and rubs his cheek as he whimpers out, “Hey! That’s not a nice way to greet your brother.”
Sesshoumaru looks bored and replies, “That’s half brother and I told you never to hug me.”
Kouga suddenly walks up to them and says, “What’s up with all the reunions?”
Naraku does a little smile, “Kouga. What’s up with you?”
Kagome has a confused expression on, “Yeah, we haven’t seen you in a while.”
Miroku grins and slaps his back, “You found a different girl?”
Kouga shakes his head, “Nope. I’m on a mission.”
Sango looks interested, “What kinda mission?”
Kouga looks proud for some unknown reason, “I got a special report saying that about a handful of villages are being destroyed by tons of demons all because of a sandwich.”
Sesshoumaru’s eye twitched, “A sandwich.”
Kouga nods, “Yeah. Strange huh?”
Naraku looks off to some far off and maybe non-existent lands, “My god. What’s so great about a sandwich?”
Kouga takes on a serious face, “They say it was a sandwich of a god. And if you eat it you will become the strongest man in the world.”
Inuyasha scratches his chin, “Really...hmmm...I shall go and find it.”
Kagome runs to his side and says dramatically, “And I’ll go with you.”
Miroku walks calmly to her cheerfully, “And I’ll come too.”
Naraku jumps on a rock and yells, “I will be the one to find the sandwich!”
Sango holds Naraku’s hand and bats her eyelashes at him, “And you know I’m on your side Naraku.”
She cuddles up to him.
Kikyo folds her arms across her chest and scowls, “This is a bunch of crap. I’m out of here.”
Inuyasha raises an arm to stop her, “Wait. Kikyo!”
She turns around, “What?”
Inuyasha smiles warmly at her “Join me.”
She just shrugs and goes to his side but then realizes something, “Wait. What about you Sesshoumaru?”
Sess shrugs, “Well. I will see about this...sandwich. It sounds like bullshit. But I guess I’ll search too.”
Kikyo suddenly seems hopeful, “Can I join you?”
She runs to his side and holds his hand.
He runs his hand through his hair and says, “Yeah sure. Whatever.”
They hear a child laugh and they all turn their heads.
Rin is there and giggling, “Daddy!”
She runs to Sess and hugs him, “Daddy! Tell Ah-Un to give me my sandwich back!”
Sess’s eyes go wide in shock, “What! A sandwich!”
Rin nods enthusiastically, “Yeah I found it.”
They all exchange glances and dive for Ah-un.
2 weeks later...
Sess’s kingdom, Naraku’s kingdom, and Inuyasha’s kingdom are all in war against each other.
Sesshoumaru is yelling outside his window, “Inuyasha! Father always gave you what you wanted. So stop being greedy and let me have the damn sandwich!”
Inuyasha is also yelling out of his window, “No way! I want to be the most powerful guy in the world!”
Naraku...is another one yelling out of his own window, “Oh Sango! That’s the spot. Right there!”
Everybody goes silent. They all leave their windows mumbling something about sickos needing to close their window if they’re going to be doin stuff.
2 more weeks later...
All the kingdoms are about to be in battle.
Sesshoumaru turns to Inuyasha, “So Inuyasha, you would dare to fight your brother.”
Inuyasha whimpers, “No. Please Sesshoumaru. Just give up. I don’t want to kill you.”
Sess laughs, “You kill me? Don’t make me laugh.”
Naraku says his own thing, “Oh Sango! Yeah baby! Yeah!”
Miroku makes a face of amazement, “Oh MY GOD! How can they be doin it in the battlefield.”
Kagome shakes her head in disbelief, “It’s just not right!”
Kouga comes up with an idea, “Quick! Let’s kill them first before we throw up and can no longer fight!”
The whole group agrees. So the lovers die in each other’s arms.
Kikyo says in her own sarcastic way, “Oh how touching. Not.”
So everyone engages in battle and the only ones left are:
Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru
Inuyasha slices Sesshoumaru’s arm off.
Sesshoumaru frowns, “Man that wasn’t right.”
Inuyasha seems really guilty, “I know. Sorry man.”
Sesshoumaru smiles, “No it’s cool.”
So Sesshoumaru stabs his sword through Inu’s chest.
Sess kisses his hand and then touches it to Inuyasha’s forehead, “Good -bye dear brother.”
Inuyasha gives a weak grin, “You...called me brother.”
Sesshoumaru blinks, “Indeed I did.”
Inuyasha nods then a thought comes to his head, “What ever happened to the sandwich anyway?”
Rin runs towards them and says, “Uncle Inu, Daddy! That sandwich was great! Too bad you didn’t have some.”
And the brothers go silent. They look at each other and start laughing. Years later the brothers joined kingdoms and even later Sesshoumaru betrayed Inuyasha and killed him. Sesshoumaru lived a happy life and lasted all the way till the time of Kagome’s reincarnation, where they got married and had a son who just happened to be the reincarnation of Inuyasha. They lived happily ever after, that is until the reincarnation of Rin found another sandwich...
But that is a whole different tale.
Fin
Autor note: moloz.
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